The blessing called Routine

Winding up a day, i generally seek to either read/listen to music/sing ( yeah- staying alone implies only i need to tolerate myself ) or watch something humorous. Today somehow i was up to neither of these options & my mind restlessly scouted for another. And then i recalled i did embark on something called a blog a while ago & i opened it up ! I had clearly reneged on my promise of putting up one post a week. Hmm...then i thought "What the heck ! If everything- even ones' interests,  had to adhere to some timeline, then life can get rather stifling! Cant somethings not go unscheduled in life?" and then something just told me to reconsider this and to be more mindful about my asks. 

"Life" itself is unscheduled! We simply live under notional timelines, deluding ourselves to believe that there's some method to it. For the 'planning' we take pride in today- tomorrow might just throw up something so totally uncalled for. Yup- hear you voices  "that doesnt mean we dont plan at all " ! We should plan ! Cause planning i think connotes positive-thinking & hope that 'there is going to be a tommorow to welcome!" & who doesnt want to welcome a tomorrow- as the saying goes- even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die!. 

Having just returned from seeing my grandmother battle out ( as i write...) one of lifes' uncalled for(s'), watching some near&dear ones in past few months continuing to fight tooth and nail life's vicissitudes and having seen a 'multiple sclerosis'  take my own mother through what could have been a very different journey if not for it, i am meant to only count my blessings & i try as much to do so. However sometimes your thoughts can get so warped by just seeing all of this- that some sort of a paranoia sets in ! ! Paranoia about health! Paranoia about "things going right" ! Paranoia about life in general  & getting out of this warp requires SOME effort . (One can only imagine what people who are going through life's uninvited surprises  must be feeling. Medicines can only do so much to alleviate the suffering - the mind needs to be healed most importantly ! & this doesnt happen easily)

There aint a panacea to this paranoia really...time can probably be a good healer. For now...as a friend told me-i must learn to appreciate what i have ; I can pray, i can hope to be positive, i can probably try not to think too much- (since it only confounds my fears)..... The rest is upto higher powers-  upto 'results' that our way beyond our control.....

If not for acknowledging the blessing called Routine- i think it helps- to count each day as a separate life!*

*Seneca