I am work in progress

Dear Chikki

I love you a lot ..you know that. I think but there is a side of me you wish you had more of...my calm self, giving you more time, more (?!) attention....somehow I know I am not doing a great job there. 

I recall asking you sometime back...tell me what would be 1 thing you'd want from your mother..and you said "She be present when I return from school"... 😢. I know that feeling. I have been privileged to have that luxury with my mother at home ALWAYS available. ALWAYS. with some banana shake, popcorn or something that Id look forward to. She would walk to Bun World and by sponge cake and chips. I recall the aluminium dabba it would be kept in and she would hide one more extra packet in the kitchen. 

And..yeah some days ..maybe many days when u walk in chikki im not at home. Im sorry. I really am. I need my work..I need to work...to give you some other things...things I dont need to depend asking someone for..things that I can buy without feeling guilty..things that I can spend on when u just ask me for it....and to just feel financially free da. Without this job, I dont think I can do that.

Also you told me 2-3 things that stuck with me

1. If I can change my job and do something less demanding

2. If I can get to a lower level- whether thats even a possibility !💞🥰

hmmmm...I know I can do better da... I will try. I am work in progress. I will always give my best to you...atleast I want to 

Hari Om. End of an Era. She will always be there

I cant believe my last post was a Hari Om post detailing the love and affection my Guru bestowed upon Nirvaan....and today (7th March 2026) aunty is no more.... I tear up everytime I think about her, about my memories associated with Balavihar and the amount of grounding she has instituted in me. No one can replace the love and purity of blessings she gave. They say...very few people touch your lives ..and she has been one of them. So many memories of aunty come flooding by. I recall every competition I have attended with her grace- be it the very 1st one when her mother was alive too- Guru Stotram, so Ajaya Namah where I got the 1st prize thanks to aunty's blessings....and the numerous Balavihar classes- I recall attending every Saturday 5pm..walking down the lanes of Malleswaram...entering 5th main road......it wont the same again

Sit straight children...close your eyes.....chant with devotion.... Om..Sahana Vavatu.....her voice rings in my head loud and clear. Towards the end of the class, she would tell short stories....stories that have always left some telling impact..of gratitude, of kindness, of devotion, of the power of prayer...small children would listen ..I listened too as a child, probably not making much sense of it then... But today....as I face numerous situations in life the subconcious mind rings loud ; conscience in me tells me right from wrong...and I couldnt be more grateful to her. Her "Open your books..and write down today's saying.."...something v v simple-- but such a powerful reminder it has been.

And then - she calling out to her house help and telling her to bring the box of chocolates , as we would line up for prasadam...none of this will happen again....it will all be a memory only... 

I recall visiting aunty after marriage to take blessings and one sentence she said...which I remind myself even today "Aruna, Dont expect anything in the marriage...dont expect anything from your partner" 

I can only say I have been blessed and I will continue to pray to her for guiding me, to continue giving me confidence, for encouraging me, motivating me and to stay beside Nirvaan as he grows up to be a fine young kind man. 

Hari Om Aruna......that voice will never die...will never

5-6pm on Saturday will never be forgotten....

Hari Om Aunty..u have blessed so many children and families. Hari Om