I am my biggest reminder

God & Daddy Good morning!

Thank you for giving me everything that I have and for blessing me with so much of abundance. As I look to start another day let me remind myself of a few things

- Let me not open every email wondering if someone is going to catch that "I am not good enough"

- Because, perfecting myself is not the aim...but..bettering myself is

- Life is so unpredictable we know--- remind myself- from lessons around- my mom did not ask for MS, neither did Vijay ask for PD. We are all walking every minute towards our final calling and none of this will matter eventually....and STILL we screw this second and minute up with wants, desires and stress

- Everything happens for a reason and its God's will. It doesnt mean He makes us lazy and demotivated- but we are allowing ourselves to do that

- Let me put the blessings I get out of my job above my ego at every moment

1. My parents medical bills are taken care of
2. Im able to go out and buy something or spend without much thought
3. Im able to be generous to those who help me
4. I have the ability to stay in a house of my own

- All of this is going to end..............

Let me die with no frustration...it almost feels I know I will die only 30 yrs or whatever later...Do we know when we are going to ?? No right !?

Spend time in

- Music

-Prayer

- My duties without ATTACHING myself to it

Let me be grateful. Earning whatever I do is not normal in general. God is being kind- let me be grateful and not get my ego in the way

I AM ALWAYS WORK IN PROGRESS

The blessings I have

Dear God

This week has been a different one. I was told yesterday about the new role, nothing surprising or nothing I did not know- but somewhere BEING TOLD brings some conclusion to the tentativeness....but.....in the middle of this all, that Saikat discussion still niggles..there is some itch to get that role reporting to him (again nothing so revolutionary there ! but just the fact that I was wanted by someone)...urghh...God this is called greed right... I dont know...its like being shown that carrot and then its been taken away for a bit (i hope only for a bit)... God ..let me constantly remind myself of the so many things going well...SO many...im screwing myself over unnecessarily...there is so much stress I feel in my body that it's a bit stupid and exhausting..and all this for what????? Really ....

No one will come to my rescue

No one will even really care if Im unwell, sick, or absent

Why am I screwing personal relationships at home?

Which takes me to, the big argument yesterday morning...that I dont agree to that, that I dont make coffee soon enough , I need to be repeatedly told .....It just keeps reminding me of 'something not enough'....but Im also giving the permission to feel that way. 

I met that old man and lady couple in the building last evening and oh boy! were they not irritated with their families...disappointed..annoyed at their upbringing....Im happy I was able to bring in some cheer...

Which takes me to...who really is happy?? Content rather....happy with themselves.. Why is there ALWAYS a "I am not enough" syndrome within me...always looking for perspective to fill myself up and for someone to keep reminding me, that Im good, im the best...sick !

IF EVERY aspect of my life is a MEASURE OF HOW BETTER I am THAN someone else...its a terrible life...as per what Sadhguru was saying too...

and then last evening my kuttu continues to surprise and show me kindness with this 💕💝

Kuttu's musings!

 His observations this morning 😘😍💖

"Mumma..How come Girija periammai is rich, while we are not" ; A few days ago he had told the same about Anu periammai..and I asked him, why does he think she is rich. He said, "because she has a big house..it has stairs inside and all..a fancy car.." 😆

"Mumma, when we are younger age difference matters, after we grow old it doesnt...like when Arjun and me are adults, he cant boss over me like he does these days" 🤣

"Mumma i think im kinda waiting more for Anu periammai to come than Girija periammai..but GP is kinda old no"

and then this video pops up from when he is young...look at him not answer at the school point. !! 

Gratitude reminder

So many good things gone by this week.

It started with Sunday. Celebrated Renuka cook's son's birthday and I was so touched by so many gestures

a) She so generously prepared so much food to eat- such a small house but such a big heart

b) There was so much cheer and happiness in her face despite water not coming frequently ; a possibility of TV snapping off given connection will depend on her internet bandwidth ; an owner who sits on her head and doesnt allow her to fill water

c) She having 3 children to take care off with a husband who left her and went

Such is life...... we cant decide what cards we are dealt with, but how we deal with them will make all the difference

I was immensely pleased with my kuttu's gesture too in her house. so so understanding, observant of everything around. I cant be more grateful of the 'gentleman' he is growing up to be. God bless you my dear. My you ALWAYS have a big heart and a kind mind...this is grossly lacking in our world today. We need more of you....Im so happy I have you in my life. 

Aside this, one of my cherished moments ..clearing my bank loan within about 2 years. Im immensely grateful to God and my parents and to a selfless husband who encouraged me to keep paying it off. I know God none of this I carry above- this is all material...but it gives me some bit of self worth and financial freedom perhaps and above all just a reminder that soooo many things are going well in my life. 

a) I have a house which I could repay a loan of within 2 years

b) My parents are alive!

c) I have a sister who cares so much

d) The best-est gift of my life is healthy, a good boy and above all kind in all respects

e) I am healthy and I have whatever it takes to have a healthy life

God let me not be petty

Let me embrace change- if I have to die anyways...let me die effectively..not due to frustration & depression

Let me STOP this pursuit of wanting to be correct & liked by people...WHO THE HELL WILL CARE if Im not around..these people wont....let me not lose my health around them at all

God pls keep me grounded and in check

Daddy I love you a lot

Love you my dear Kuttu

Kuttaa.....

I cannot tell you how much you mean to me...you said the sweetest things to me today..more than what any news should upset me. ...Today was another so called big day for changes to be announced at work...I received an email in the morning saying potential org changes would happen, folks impacted would be told in 1:1s.....you read that email and while I was leaving to office hugged me and said Om Sri Chinmaya Sadguru ve namah.... I was sooo impressed kanna...

And the icing on the cake was....in the evening as soon as you got home I see this 

How Kutta....your so considerate for your age..your far far emotionally richer than I am..May that be your biggest strength when you grow up too raja....nothing else matters...God Bless you. Im touched beyond words.... You have made me successful than any role could.......

Thank you God...ever grateful

 Dear God

This is yet another day, another blessing that you have given me, reminding me that Im alive and healthy and happy because of all that you have bestowed upon me. Let all these reorg, announcements, changes whatever....not rattle me. I believe until now EVERYTHING, every single thing has happened with reason....there is no good bad..there are only lessons learnt and reflections and pure gratitude that whatever I am getting I receive it with open palms. 

God make me a stronger person , unfazed by this. Let me be accepting , graciously whatever I am to get...given that is what I deserve. 

My mother did not ask for multiple sclerosis at the age of 34

My father did not ask to be a caretaker , stress bearer all his life

My uncles and aunts did not ask for death

and so much more God........You have given me enough and more evidence that what has to happen will. The only thing I want you to keep a check for me on, is ...am I doing enough ...am i doing MY part and my duty. Please keep me honest 

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil .......

Love you God...Love you Daddy

All the best for GRADE 4 Chikki !!

Dear kutta

All the very best as you begin 4th GRADE. Your a very smart kuttus with lot of earnestness to do well. May you feel energised to do your best and to give it all it takes with your abilities and all the blessings God has bestowed you with. 

I hope to all calm myself as much as possible and not drive u up the wall because IT ISNT HELPFUL for either you or me. God- please please help me here. I truly dont want to do it- but i feel i end up doing it justifying it with some reason or the other. 

You make me smile, you give me the best kisses and you say the silliest and yet cutest of things. 

[10:01 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: last evening i was talking to N about studies

[10:01 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: and how its important etc etc

[10:01 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: he asked me..mumma how come u felt like studying etc

[10:01 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: i told him..hmm...so Anu periammai studied v well 👿 and then thatha paati used to work so hard..with all his travel every day and paati's really bad health

[10:02 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: so i felt i should also do my bit and work equally hard to make them happy

[10:02 PM, 6/11/2024] Aruna: he says "hmmm but then mumma i dont have any such reasons to feel motivated no like u had"

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 Kutttaaa kutttaaa...may those reasons truly come from within FOR YOURSELF..not for me or anyone else :) 

ALL THE BEST KANNA.>>God BleSS you!! 

FYI your first tooth fell on its own on June 4th 2024 ! ! ! 💗

My brave chikki and some musings ;)

Today was a milestone day for chikku chi pappluns. His permanent teeth are already bracing themselves to make their presence ..but the milk teeth continue to be persistent ! So we went to knock them out. Such a brave boy he was braving the 2 injections given and coming out with a smiling face. And yes I was sitting in the side chanting "om sri chinmaya sadguru ve namah" ✌

This just tells how fast he is growing ! My kutty paapa. 

Last night was just amazing btw! He caressed my hair to make me go to sleep and kept kissing me on my cheek and forehead. I told him "this reminds me of paati../my mumma" and he immediately said "ya..she has such chunnu bunnu soft hands, soft voice...and such soft cheeks"... yes thats my mumma !!! No one can replace her..but my kutta's touch was quite close to that :) 😘

In other conversations this week...he had a Q "mumma is puberty a painful process". :) I asked him why does he ask so. He said he watched Young Sheldon and he had got pimples.. I told him well..not everyone get, but yes it can be slightly annoying. and then he tells me "he is waiting for it" 🙄 and im like..yeah really?? 

But he's got some understanding ! ! He knows about periods, he is empathetic to me nowadays now that he knows and has some very interesting Qs. one among being.."mumma..if you say people get irritated when they get periods...how come Anu periammai is so calm...does that mean she doesnt get it" 😅😅..>Welll..looks like a no...for me too !!!! looking at her genetic composition of calmness and serenity. In my defense..she took all of the calmness from my mom and left me with my dad's tension :)