My dear boy...u will be a fine man one day!

There are many things that can rattle you up in a day. I go through this quite often and then end up in tears at times, with everything just accumulating in my head..thinking about things like, who will be there for me when I grow old, what companionship would I have , would I not. I feel scared at times..money definitely cant buy many things right? I of course know that, I dont run behind money ; infact I know how futile it is in moments when I dont get the support I need from people around, when I just look for someone who shares my wavelength to sit and talk, not judge me, not taunt me....lets me be who I am. and I dont find it many a time...I feel awful, but then God reminds me....of soooo many things that I have going fine in my life too while many dont have many things. So its always about- reminding oneself of HOW blessed we are and HOW many people dont have what we take for granted 

My own dad--- who lives in uncertainty every other day/night of what might come upon on the health front with my mom. 

My own mom...who is far from being ok. God knows when that sofa gets stained, when her cough kicks in, when her bladder pains, when her legs will ever stop paining.......

and so many more....why do I even need more ?My issues are petty

I have a lovely adorable son who brightens me up in so many days. He fills the void of the company I look for, of the human around whom Id like to be, of the person who is sensitive and of the person who Im certain and pray ..will grow up to be a FINE man one day

You do soo many cute things my dear one. You surprise me in ways I can never think of. You have a heart, you have a mind and above all ...a trait so missing in many...empathy. May you preserve this Gold treasure of yours.....you are BLESSED my cutie

Look at this!

Last evening, you insisted you'd come out to a brewery- I told u no- but I guess u wanted to come out to eat something. In the auto - u tried to make me feel better , after a small tiff with pappa and you kept saying, "dont worry ..see other people on the road...ur much better"..aww my cutie.. then u told me to come more inside and not get wet. When we were not allowed to come in, you had the courtesy to apologize...my ! it takes a heart chikki, to think this ..do u even know that ?!

Then we come home and I make a dinner for u..potato wrap ( I dont pride myself at all on food ! ) Yet you praised me so much , gave me such a thoughtful kiss and told me a thank you. I have seen that kuttu, every time you do realize these things, you ALWAYS say a thank you.💘 . You just rock

Then this Monday we had a bit of an argument..You did not let me use your room and then I left in a flurry to office. evening I was welcomed by this...... i cannot tell you how much Im proud ..i have so much to learn from you. Your GENEROUS with your apology and keep your little ego aside...its a gift da

And these little tit bit notes that you share asking for the phone

Or the really cutie songs that you say! 

About colleagues in my office.....

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zsC_6Aful6w

Or your insights about thatha :) so on point !!

https://youtube.com/shorts/S1EncFaa1HE

How IMPRESSIVELY you learnt the Bhagwad Gita chapter 15, 15 slokas

and even so beautifully recited it to Balavihar aunty 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFoiC3ROwvk

Or the cute patriotic song u sang :)

https://youtube.com/shorts/rVRRbz9mGWM

and you really tried hard to get this telugu stuff. !! Keep it up da sweety pie

https://youtube.com/shorts/BYfb07SEvPM

And so responsibly you call up and inform your whereabouts 🙏

You brighten me up ! thank you. !!!!!!💛💜💚💙💖

And in imperfection lies beauty- Aug 23rd 2025

There is a beautiful saying in my office as I enter the floor where I work. It reads "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in"

Its a wonderful reminder that nothing need be perfect...nothing is and only then one shines..

This weekend was mine...for my art..for my interest ..in the perfect place I find peace and happiness in...Mumbai Music Mridangam and Me. wow. 4Ms....seems like I have found my zen of life.

I posted about this on LinkedIn and bringing the same goodness here....after all its my experience right :) 

This week has been a magical one. It had 3 of the 4Ms that define my passion :) Mumbai, Music, Mridangam [the 4th M -Marghazhi season in Chennai!]. In a day filled with demands of work and home responsibilities, these passion areas add the much needed zing to keep the rest going. Music has always been my go to and more so Carnatic Classical, which I always fallback on for energy.

One of the more important accompaniments to a Carnatic vocal concert, the mridangam has been my favourite given my love for beats and rhythm. Aside from being my birthplace, Mumbai holds a special place in my heart with Mridangam. To channel my interest I (re)started learning this art form online from my Guru Rohit Prasad, based in Mumbai, during Covid in 2020. Learning a percussion instrument online isn't easy and more so maybe not the recommended way too. But then we can't always seek an ideal route to make things happen.

Its been close to 5 years now and this August marked 25 years of my Guru’s and his peer’s journey in this art form and we celebrated it with

hashtag

#mridangarpanam. I had the honor of playing along with 23 other students in the famed halls of Shanmukhananda Sabha in Mumbai. While it was a 20 min collective rendering, it was a moment that filled my heart and is here to stay.

Why do I post this here? Well no good reason, but maybe gratitude? Maybe because there are many reasons behind why ‘we show up’ daily and to pay it back with a huge thanks to my Guru Rohit Prasad for enabling this one.

For, giving me an opportunity to play live on stage right in the front row, very well knowing it was my 1st time, having played online the last 5 yrs

For, that word of encouragement every other weekend when I attend classes without practice after a long exhausting week, telling me “ Don't worry- the fact that you turn up for class is good enough” or “Your finger placements have improved” or “Ho jayega, tension math lo”

Thank you sir 🙏 and to my family Mala Raj CLMP Raj Raman @Jaya who were part of my moment. And to Harish Krishnan, for encouraging Mumbai rain updates and tips to conquer imperfections while playing :)

The icing on the cake was a photograph with Carnatic stalwarts Malladi Brothers and a compliment on how I played.These memories make it all worthwhile!

A snippet https://lnkd.in/gwdjV-MX

Coverage in Mumbai’s Local news channel https://lnkd.in/gDxKiQwP

To a GRATEFUL and GREAT-FUL start 2025

It feels like this year went by really fast ! 2024..... but most often we say this ..and then the next year comes and then the next..... life goes by and eventually we realise there is no different LIFE..that we need /are waiting for..THIS IS it.....

2024 has been good to me... I have had my job intact, infact got an elevated role at work...my son has grown more emotionally mature, my parents are with me, touch wood and they are doing fine...we bought a new car ...I was able to go and spend time with Namitha in the US, had a good vacation in Tahoe...but above all a very fulfilling end to the year- November ..we raised close to 11.5 lacs from Google's donation drive for kutty Shreeram's trust 💗...and in December I had a fantastic time in Chennai listening to Marghazi concerts uninterrupted for 3 days !! So so so good !! 

                                                   @Vani Mahal. Ramakrishna Murthy

@Music Academy for Kruthi Bhatt

                                                        @Charsur w/ Ashwath Narayanan

And now to 2025

Instead of always "looking for" life to be good to me let me think of what I can do "better". Last year's post actually at the same time was good itself to serve relevant for this year- but no harm in repeating no?

a) Less time on Facebook and social media- maybe every Friday sounds ok?

b) I dont want to work myself up with office work...please God. I dont want to stress myself up and land up with a poor eyesight

c) I dont need to be "GOOD"...I need to get better. Every time let me not operate with "I will be in danger" mode at work. 

d) Your are a WHOLE- beyond work....there is so much to you as a person- So let me not try to be a version of someone else.....I AM ME...GOD MADE ME...let me be grateful for who I am

e) Let me not procrastinate....and put out tougher work for later...there is no point..what has to get done, has to.

f) Let me prioritize sleep over anything else non value adding- especially mobile phone browsing.....this is such a waste of time seriously

g) What is not in my control.....(not too tough to discern if i think a little)..let me not break my head over it. 

h) I DONT NEED to look good for someone...LET ME BE ME

i) Spiritual health over anything else .... keep time for a quiet prayer for 2 min atleast every day

j) 20 Surya Namaskarams every day to start 

Om sri Chinmaya sadguru ve Namah

I am my biggest reminder

God & Daddy Good morning!

Thank you for giving me everything that I have and for blessing me with so much of abundance. As I look to start another day let me remind myself of a few things

- Let me not open every email wondering if someone is going to catch that "I am not good enough"

- Because, perfecting myself is not the aim...but..bettering myself is

- Life is so unpredictable we know--- remind myself- from lessons around- my mom did not ask for MS, neither did Vijay ask for PD. We are all walking every minute towards our final calling and none of this will matter eventually....and STILL we screw this second and minute up with wants, desires and stress

- Everything happens for a reason and its God's will. It doesnt mean He makes us lazy and demotivated- but we are allowing ourselves to do that

- Let me put the blessings I get out of my job above my ego at every moment

1. My parents medical bills are taken care of
2. Im able to go out and buy something or spend without much thought
3. Im able to be generous to those who help me
4. I have the ability to stay in a house of my own

- All of this is going to end..............

Let me die with no frustration...it almost feels I know I will die only 30 yrs or whatever later...Do we know when we are going to ?? No right !?

Spend time in

- Music

-Prayer

- My duties without ATTACHING myself to it

Let me be grateful. Earning whatever I do is not normal in general. God is being kind- let me be grateful and not get my ego in the way

I AM ALWAYS WORK IN PROGRESS

The blessings I have

Dear God

This week has been a different one. I was told yesterday about the new role, nothing surprising or nothing I did not know- but somewhere BEING TOLD brings some conclusion to the tentativeness....but.....in the middle of this all, that Saikat discussion still niggles..there is some itch to get that role reporting to him (again nothing so revolutionary there ! but just the fact that I was wanted by someone)...urghh...God this is called greed right... I dont know...its like being shown that carrot and then its been taken away for a bit (i hope only for a bit)... God ..let me constantly remind myself of the so many things going well...SO many...im screwing myself over unnecessarily...there is so much stress I feel in my body that it's a bit stupid and exhausting..and all this for what????? Really ....

No one will come to my rescue

No one will even really care if Im unwell, sick, or absent

Why am I screwing personal relationships at home?

Which takes me to, the big argument yesterday morning...that I dont agree to that, that I dont make coffee soon enough , I need to be repeatedly told .....It just keeps reminding me of 'something not enough'....but Im also giving the permission to feel that way. 

I met that old man and lady couple in the building last evening and oh boy! were they not irritated with their families...disappointed..annoyed at their upbringing....Im happy I was able to bring in some cheer...

Which takes me to...who really is happy?? Content rather....happy with themselves.. Why is there ALWAYS a "I am not enough" syndrome within me...always looking for perspective to fill myself up and for someone to keep reminding me, that Im good, im the best...sick !

IF EVERY aspect of my life is a MEASURE OF HOW BETTER I am THAN someone else...its a terrible life...as per what Sadhguru was saying too...

and then last evening my kuttu continues to surprise and show me kindness with this 💕💝

Kuttu's musings!

 His observations this morning 😘😍💖

"Mumma..How come Girija periammai is rich, while we are not" ; A few days ago he had told the same about Anu periammai..and I asked him, why does he think she is rich. He said, "because she has a big house..it has stairs inside and all..a fancy car.." 😆

"Mumma, when we are younger age difference matters, after we grow old it doesnt...like when Arjun and me are adults, he cant boss over me like he does these days" 🤣

"Mumma i think im kinda waiting more for Anu periammai to come than Girija periammai..but GP is kinda old no"

and then this video pops up from when he is young...look at him not answer at the school point. !! 

Gratitude reminder

So many good things gone by this week.

It started with Sunday. Celebrated Renuka cook's son's birthday and I was so touched by so many gestures

a) She so generously prepared so much food to eat- such a small house but such a big heart

b) There was so much cheer and happiness in her face despite water not coming frequently ; a possibility of TV snapping off given connection will depend on her internet bandwidth ; an owner who sits on her head and doesnt allow her to fill water

c) She having 3 children to take care off with a husband who left her and went

Such is life...... we cant decide what cards we are dealt with, but how we deal with them will make all the difference

I was immensely pleased with my kuttu's gesture too in her house. so so understanding, observant of everything around. I cant be more grateful of the 'gentleman' he is growing up to be. God bless you my dear. My you ALWAYS have a big heart and a kind mind...this is grossly lacking in our world today. We need more of you....Im so happy I have you in my life. 

Aside this, one of my cherished moments ..clearing my bank loan within about 2 years. Im immensely grateful to God and my parents and to a selfless husband who encouraged me to keep paying it off. I know God none of this I carry above- this is all material...but it gives me some bit of self worth and financial freedom perhaps and above all just a reminder that soooo many things are going well in my life. 

a) I have a house which I could repay a loan of within 2 years

b) My parents are alive!

c) I have a sister who cares so much

d) The best-est gift of my life is healthy, a good boy and above all kind in all respects

e) I am healthy and I have whatever it takes to have a healthy life

God let me not be petty

Let me embrace change- if I have to die anyways...let me die effectively..not due to frustration & depression

Let me STOP this pursuit of wanting to be correct & liked by people...WHO THE HELL WILL CARE if Im not around..these people wont....let me not lose my health around them at all

God pls keep me grounded and in check

Daddy I love you a lot

Love you my dear Kuttu

Kuttaa.....

I cannot tell you how much you mean to me...you said the sweetest things to me today..more than what any news should upset me. ...Today was another so called big day for changes to be announced at work...I received an email in the morning saying potential org changes would happen, folks impacted would be told in 1:1s.....you read that email and while I was leaving to office hugged me and said Om Sri Chinmaya Sadguru ve namah.... I was sooo impressed kanna...

And the icing on the cake was....in the evening as soon as you got home I see this 

How Kutta....your so considerate for your age..your far far emotionally richer than I am..May that be your biggest strength when you grow up too raja....nothing else matters...God Bless you. Im touched beyond words.... You have made me successful than any role could.......