Dear God
This week has been a different one. I was told yesterday about the new role, nothing surprising or nothing I did not know- but somewhere BEING TOLD brings some conclusion to the tentativeness....but.....in the middle of this all, that Saikat discussion still niggles..there is some itch to get that role reporting to him (again nothing so revolutionary there ! but just the fact that I was wanted by someone)...urghh...God this is called greed right... I dont know...its like being shown that carrot and then its been taken away for a bit (i hope only for a bit)... God ..let me constantly remind myself of the so many things going well...SO many...im screwing myself over unnecessarily...there is so much stress I feel in my body that it's a bit stupid and exhausting..and all this for what????? Really ....
No one will come to my rescue
No one will even really care if Im unwell, sick, or absent
Why am I screwing personal relationships at home?
Which takes me to, the big argument yesterday morning...that I dont agree to that, that I dont make coffee soon enough , I need to be repeatedly told .....It just keeps reminding me of 'something not enough'....but Im also giving the permission to feel that way.
I met that old man and lady couple in the building last evening and oh boy! were they not irritated with their families...disappointed..annoyed at their upbringing....Im happy I was able to bring in some cheer...
Which takes me to...who really is happy?? Content rather....happy with themselves.. Why is there ALWAYS a "I am not enough" syndrome within me...always looking for perspective to fill myself up and for someone to keep reminding me, that Im good, im the best...sick !
IF EVERY aspect of my life is a MEASURE OF HOW BETTER I am THAN someone else...its a terrible life...as per what Sadhguru was saying too...
and then last evening my kuttu continues to surprise and show me kindness with this 💕💝
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