All's well.....

Dear Daddy,

You know the state Im in now...preparing for that Director interview..its all so confusing to be honest...over the last couple of months, Im having a strange vision of a future without me chasing this hustle, this corporate bshit..(again im not taking away all that you have graced me with)..but Im really seeing a world where I can be more calm, more with myself and more at peace...without excessively breaking my head about what others think of me, of what I say etc..I just want financial independence..maybe I work that out? Can you help me work that out....

Its interesting that Im thinking of this at a time Im preparing for these interviews....hence feels like unsettling in a way..I was telling chikki this, this morning and he said just one line "in that case, next 2 yrs work with all your heart..." . I was a bit taken aback...I asked him, what do you mean by that. and he said "work really hard and collect money"...I was even more taken aback..I asked him...but what have I been doing for the last 16 yrs...he said.".No..you did work because you had to..but now do it with your heart, not mind"....WOW...so deep...he is the BEST...you I mean kutta..your the best..you surprise me every single time with your magical words

I am telling myself a few things 

1. I have enough...rather..I will also take stock..but I feel I do

2. Nobody has figured shit out- why am I BREAKING my head about what others think of me

3. I am enough myself...I DONT NEED to look perfect...

4. Let me be in the moment...not in a FUTURE

5. I have always got what I deserve and at times, it feels MORE than what I deserve.

6. NOTHING IN WHAT I DO..ABSOLUTELY NOTHING..is critical or anything worth giving my health and mental well being

God, Iv never WANTED anything..other than my peace of mind....PLEASE keep me calm....I love you dearly Daddy..love you

Daddy- Aug 4th 2026---- by Aug 4th 2028 I want to move on to a new chapter . Help me 🙏

My dear son- we will get more time together

Dear Kuttu

I simply love the chats with you. I love the Q "Mumma shall we go for a walk"....and your constant "Tell something na..." OR "today we did not have one particular topic"......these walks are precious..this time is priceless

I know some of the discussions we have had recently, around my potential new Director role.....and your very simple questions like " Do you really have to take it...why do you ....we have enough money no....are u going to be spending less time with me".... or your answer to my Q on " Kutta what would be your kind of perfect life/the way you'd like to live/ how you'd like your parents to be"..to which you said " Id like to live in a bungalow, with 2 floors, my mother should not be working and my father to be a doctor or a Software engineer"....

Hmm...all this makes my heart heavy- at a time when I also feel overwhelmed at work, not trusting my own abilities and feeling a huge sense of impostor. I remember we spoke on 6th Sept or so...that maybe in another 2 yrs I retire from Google..and I saw the GLEE on your face... Its stamped quite 'vividly' :) 

You keep giving me feedback saying I should spend more time & cried the other day for just giving you ten minutes of the day...but when I spend time with you, you dont callout saying I did...you had again a very simple perspective to it..."Mumma when ur there- im just in the moment..happy...hence i dont think all that".. 💕💕😘😘 my cutie pie..ur the CUTEST

Love you kutta..I hope i balance life better and get to live the moments i keep having in my head....

ur the most iv loved anybody and I ever will. 

Love mumma

You wanted to Twin like Thatha and loved his shirt 💖