Finally i shut my excel screen after ogling at it over 20 hrs in 2 days. ! Expectation set- To make a possible story out of #s. And all this while i thought words were the protagonists of prose! For all the MBA aura and CAT jazz, my association with #s is as fire is to ice. This drifts me to a 10-point "Things that i must give up moving forward" article a friend of mine shared recently. One point that stood out starkly in this context was "Give up making excuses , instead make decisions". So i ponder on the 1st half of it- if my distress with #s is a mere excuse ? OR could it really be that i am a misfit.? Cause looking at #s , makes me believe i operate in a parallel universe.I am transported to the classroom scene from Taare Zameen Par - where the kid innocently retorts a "the words are dancing" :) to explain his inability in comprehension. However 27yrs of age, to have cleared one of the more analytically driven exams, to have squirmed out rather unscathed of the tunnel called MBA & now seeing the light of an equally data seeking corporate titan, the story of empathy & innocence bailing me out doesn't seem to tie up. And to be fair- why bid for empathy! The job description demands it! Call it fate/ reality/ the 'present'/'choice'- i am where i am. Whether this is what 'i am cut out for or not' can be debated and most often the celebrated "voice deep down below" ( sapped out of clocking record hours of overtime off-late ;)) whispers your deepest desires to you.
Which takes me to the latter part "...instead make decisions".Undoubtedly the tougher half :)! Adolescence is supposed to be 'THE confusing/unsettling' phase of life! If that was what it was , the post-Qtr life period seems to be battling it out to take the dubious lead ! It isn't much about taking a decision, than it is about "what to decide on''!!Work, engulfing a major portion of the 7 day week will logically end up being top-of-mind. (brushing aside the recent sudden spurts of an ''impending'' marriage :) ! this for another post considering the "enormous gravity" of its current slumbering state :) !!). And therefore if i were to extrapolate the future as i stand today grovelling in a sea of indices, i feel nothing, but doomed to look at it for all life! Probe more and i am answer-strapped to questions/thought feeders as these, 'thrown' at me to ruminate over, which i prefer bucketing into the below 2x2
Feel
Good Factor
|
High
(Ah! Just needed to hear this-tell me more!) |
• What do you think you would want
to do if not for this? (Features in below bucket as well-since ‘feel good’
will depend on tone in which it is asked ;) )
• You under-estimate yourself a bit too much! You’re doing fine. Many others are worse off! |
• Do what you want to- we live one
life!
• Agree- move out-start afresh. Nothing’s lost |
Low
(Duh! Your making me feel more miserable-regret asking you!) |
• What do you think you would want
to do if not for this?
• You can't really like all of your job-there will be some parts that will always be distasteful • Any job is going to be the same- so don't expect the fictitious new one to salvage you out of current misery • You couldn’t have asked for something better! So stick onto it- you're anyways infamous for hating something very soon • It’s just a phase! (“duh!’’) |
• Stop brooding! Figure out the
parts of work you like doing & focus on that
• Seriously do something about it! Change or stop grumbling |
|
Low
(Defined as slightly random advice-"Hear you! But honestly you're not giving much direction"!) |
High
(Person comes across as genuinely interested in you ;)) |
||
Possible
Actionability
|
|||
The high-high response, seems to personify my inner voice. I only need to ACT- when?how? i don't know. Time will tell.
This prayer i will fall back on , for now....
God,
give me the grace to accept with serenity
the
things that cannot be changed,
Courage
to change the things
which
should be changed,
and
the Wisdom to distinguish
the
one from the other.
