My dear kutta

There's always something special I find with my kuttu...and I ensure I remind him every day of how special he is to me 

This takes me back to last Saturday when he had his school annual day. Poor child did not get a signal when to speak /compere and hence did not get his chance to speak. I was so eager to hear him speak and it dint happen...but I knew his disappointment would be larger...I waited for his show to finish and went back stage in frantic search for him..since I just wanted to be there for him..to hear him out... i managed to meet him with tears across powdered cheeks..oh..my...I could cry looking at that innocence. He had never powder on his face as such before for any event and I could imagine those cute behind the stage scenes of getting ready...to face the disappointment that he did. I hugged him hard and told him we could find a corner to talk it out and once we went there, tears rolled freely and he told me he was too scared of what maam would tell him and that he must apologize to her immediately. Oh such innocence..there was nothing he had done wrong and still the pressure to look good for his teacher...I hoped I made him understand the situation...my kutta...you might face bigger moments ..and I can pray. that God give you all the strength to face it...I may not be there every time around to give you the little hugs. 

And cut to today...where he continues to impress me with his interest in art and drawing..... May you find your calling my dear kuttus..let life's pressures not get to you. May the prayers we've learnt help you cope should you face them too....I love you toooo much..more than you think I do... God bless you chikkuchiiii

Thankful for some conversations

This weekend has been good ! Mix of activities...I played the mridangam on Saturday though I did not have class, on Sunday had my class at noon, I (almost) learnt a song over the weekend after a really long time. Sri Varalakshmi Namastubhyam. This singer has sung it so very beautifully  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua8vZPOPPAA

Then today... I saw a movie Kho Gaye Hum Kahaan..Quite nice..a pretty good message from it. We often try living a life to look good in front of others, are so insecure with what we have because others have much more and we keep living inadequate lives...the comparison never ends. There was quite a strong data point in the movie about one checking phones on an average 224 times a day ! Destroying all possible social connect, spending time with ourselves.....our world is on some platform

Cut to a conversation I had with Nirvaan..over Saturday this week. He came back from his drawing class feeling bummed out that we didnt have enough interiors in our house and he cried :) I felt for him...its not his fault really to feel this way. Kids go see new houses, new things, hear new conversations and then end up building up such feelings. Im so glad I managed to get it out of him. I explained to him why we are prioritizing other things in life such as health, education over splurging on fancy-ing the house. Of course I completely get how he feels. When I used to visit other childen's houses when I was young (I recall especially one friend's house- Rajnita) I used to feel..wow ! Her house is sooo good..like a mini bungalow and I was sometimes embarassed to invite friends home wondering where could they sit [ We had those easy chairs for quite many yrs before we moved onto cane chairs and then sofas] Back then I did not have the guts to even share such feelings with my dad...cause I felt I would be unfair perhaps bringing something up with him (when I saw him through my mom's health/ working so hard) and also because I felt scared. My dear baby...I love you and completely get what you felt..may God give you the wisdom to cope with these moments & to come out with more realisation :)

And then this evening...a chat with a friend..from another religion..but our thoughts so similar! 💕 Here's what we took away..rather I took

--- She said..she prays to God to only give her that much..that will keep her happy with a good night's sleep

-- Said, what we get and what is taken away too is all God's plan

--I should do my best , with a clean conscience and then leave it...cause what we are today is because of what our parents did ...so maybe what I do/how I do is also what Im leaving behind for my son

-- Every day I live in this fear of something going wrong, almost as if Im waiting for THAT moment when things will break down...its impossible to "live" like this... who knows the next breath ...it takes 1 breath..and Im gone.......this office...this manager..that family member...no one will be able to bring me back

-- Of all the people Iv known...my mother is the most contented person I've ever known...and this despite her ill health...she hasnt travelled any place..hasnt had any wishes of visiting hotels/ buying fancy things..and yet.she is the calmest nicest warmest person I have and will ever know 💓💏

May I learn from such things...such people..such conversations...life is fleeting

Today it is some reorg, tomorrow it is something else..nothing will even be permanent...and I cant wrap my head in this worry for ever.....God give me the strength to face my day with calmness..No person can kill who I am...u have given me everything I could have deserved to have...let me be grateful and make the most of what I have

Empathy, 5 sense organs working, a loving healthy son, a voice to sing, an instrument to learn, my loving parents & sister .......thank you God. Make me stronger and less vulnerable to other's opinion and to love this 1 life you've given me with more gratitude