A new interest?

Its been a good start to the year...I think one thing that Iv kept at has been listening to carnatic music. Im so glad I attended the Raga concert in Hyd. I want to make this happen often and keep my interest alive. Nothing like music to uplift me. I am happiest around it, with it and in it. Often we are told..do what makes you happy...music has been that constant. I enjoyed dressing up for the event and here I am very happy moments before I left for the concert

Sometimes I wonder am I even cut out to do anything remotely associated with work, numbers what not...I feel it takes a lot out of me to 'fit in' to this world. I love something creative...something where there are no defined boundaries beyond a few. But work happens to be the 'driver'. Recently while planning the trip to Paris....we considered business class..something which I would not have been able to think about, had it not been for my work. I feel great and grateful to God for having given me such a career...I feel at times there are much more deserving people, but God has been kind to me. Thank you God.

I have an equally understanding son... he surprised me when he said "mumma lets not spend so much..lets do business class later"...so much thoughtfulness. I love you kutta... You surprise me every other day with your kindness & generosity. Your sooooo much more than we see you 💕 

Suddenly a thought sprung into my mind today....should I learn the violin...Iv heard its tough...THERE I GO AGAIN...always limiting..always throttling my life with ifs, buts and the worst...but this is 1 life..if not now..then when??

 

Will it ever cease.....perhaps no

I wake up almost every day....with a thought going to...what if I lose my job..what if what I do is not valued....coupled with a huge sense of being an imposter...

Today someone in office told me..that there is a possible rumor that my role gets folded into another org..and lo and behold that continued to play in every action /thought of mine post that moment...

I cant just operate this way....my 1 life..the only 1 life of a few more years will just go by like this...stiffling and crazy with such thoughts. I can feel my heart beat faster..my stress levels going up with shoulder aches..what childhood am I showing my son with my behavior as such....Aruna.....calm down.. 🩷....who are you trying to please? some asshole of a GTM who has a point of view on your org?? and you're looking to justify the work of this org in 6 months?? Cmon! Take a deep breath......few points to note darling

a) Yes anything can happen tomorrow...who knows

b) Do what you can with your head down--- work, network, do what it takes and then RELAX

c) Write down a few things that bother you......what (some) aspects can you take control of, what cant you...let go of those

d) There is no permanence to anything...you worrying about the day when you're going to be the chosen one for something...well...we are all going one day .... what will happen will be for your good..trust God..

dont worry Aruna...u CANT KILL YOURSELF overs some perception..HELL WITH IT....you ARE NOT THE MESS around you