It's tough to quench our desires of wanting more....or to want something to be 'perfect' or lets say the way we want it. As we move into our new house, I have often vacillated between thoughts of "I really wish I could do xyz" to " Finally I ain't going to take my house or the stuff in it to any new world...so make peace with whatever it is" . I feel somewhere, at sometime in my life I might end up feeling...all this was for naught. What I'm trying to reconcile today (sometimes painfully due to differences in opinion...call it better logic, varied perspective or whatever)...feels challenging. Be it say a false ceiling, be it painting walls, be it curtains, be it a cupboard...whatever.. there is a part of me that says "I wish......". The more I battle out these points with the other person in the decision process...I feel exhausted and it pushes me to the other part of the spectrum- which is- let it go ... let go... it all has to go one day. No point clinging onto such opinion..such desires...
I wonder is it letting the other person ride over me..my own choices. Well maybe..but im perhaps led to better thinking as a human being? Isnt it? There is a certain degree of futility in all this....or maybe I will get it if I were meant to..or maybe at a better time....or maybe God sees another plan in all this? I dont know....all I know is its confusing, tiring, exhausting and somewhere I need to make peace..for myself. Nothing is worth the pain I give to myself. No one need give pain to me too. I dont want to give anybody that permission.
So if it means adjusting, aligning different perspectives to my self....making peace...so be it.
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